Tuesday, January 5, 2010

My First Bloggerversary




SUMMER SISTERS 1963

digital scrapbook collage created on my iphone

One year ago today, during a period of dark and lonely depression (the aftermath of a deeply traumatic experience that had left me terrified to express myself for fear of "giving too much away") I closed my eyes, took a deep breath and made my first, faltering steps into the Land of Blog. It wasn't the greatest of debuts: the short, perfunctory paragraph that accompanied a digital collage, took the best part of a day to write and for some time after, I continued to find blog posting almost as stressful as a visit to my dentist.
At the time of that first post, I hadn't really lived my life for over a year: I hadn't worked; I didn't know who I was any more; I had lost every shred of personal and creative confidence that I had ever possessed, but a close friend had told me "one day, you'll wake up and you'll do SOMETHING. You don't know what it is yet, it may be something you've never done before and you may not understand WHY you are doing it, but you will just do it, because you HAVE TO." His words were like a prayer or a charm because that is precisely what eventually happened: one day, I woke up and created a digital collage, something that I had never done before and I was so surprised that I had made something, after feeling dead inside for so long, that I felt compelled to share it, to say "look World! I'm still here!".
Once I'd settled into my new home in Blogland, I started to take a look around the neighbourhood, visiting the blogs of creative friends and through them, discovering other blogs and making new friends, some of whom began to follow me and leave messages. My confidence grew and I began to share the stories behind the images that I was posting: personal stories, family stories, invented stories. These days, if depression returns and I find it difficult get motivated, I find inspiration in the blogs that I follow: beautiful thoughts, ideas and images, created by equally beautiful human beings. After feeling alone for so long, I now feel part of a wonderful community. So, thanks to all of you because I am absolutely certain, I would not have kept going without you sticking by me and cheering me on, despite occasional "dark periods".
This year, I hope to find the courage to write in more depth about my life and work. As a genealogist, I spend hours seeking out evidences of the lives of my forebears and it has occurred to me that because of my fear of personal disclosure, my blog does not always bear witness to my life as completely as it might. My Slowly Loosing The Plot blog was intended to be more of a personal scrapbook-dairy and I hope to post there more often. One of my New Year's Resolutions is to take a walk, however short, every day and post at least one photo from each walk on the other blog.

The digital scrapbook-collage at the top of this post evolved from a photograph that my father took of my sister Aprill and I, during a seaside trip to Rhyl, Wales, in about 1963. It is dedicated to Prilly who, as a child, always felt that she was walking in my shadow, but actually, she is one of my guardian angels. God bless you sweet sister x


26 comments:

La Dolce Vita said...

oh my --oh my --where do I start?
guess I will just cut to the chase, since I AM italian and this could be far more chatty than intended... with lots of hand motions which do not translate so well on the key board..... so here goes...
for me, sharing myself.. and my story... is the death of depression ...
your posts are not only beautiful, but they always fill my mind and touch my heart. thank you, Lumi!

Deborah said...

A beautiful artwork and a moving blog post. I wish you all the best for 2010 and look forward to seeing more of your art.

MrCachet said...

Great post, both the image and the words to 'go-with'. I'm with you for the long haul!

Lawendula said...

What a moving post!
I so well remember, what you wrote to me, when participating in „OTOH“ about your art making and I am so glad, we have met! You are such an inspiration for me and I know we are connected, all of us, we are One Tribe One Heart and that’s like a fairytale coming true.
So darling, Happy Blogversary to you and many many happy returns of the day!

druga szesnascie said...

so moving...
you wrote:
"beautiful thoughts, ideas and images, created by equally beautiful human beings." - the same applies to you.
wishing you many wonderful new walks in 2010.

Cindy Jones said...

Happy Bloggerversary! Your words are eloquent. I can certainly identify with your feelings. I am happy you shared yourself with all who read your blog!

Sandy said...

OMG OMG OMG this is absolutely darling.
Wonderful work.

WrightStuff said...

Such a moving post. The power of art has certainly helped me move through difficult times too - there's definitely some kind of magic going on. Congratulations on your anniversary - keep up all the good work!

Taluula said...

Lumi such an emotive and revealing post. I am so pleased you are happier and more confident now and I hope that continues to strength. Your sister will be honoured to be your guardian angel I am sure.

Lesley B. said...

I admire your honesty, generosity and courage in your self evaluation. And it has been a very fruitful year despite the circumstances you have described.

magpie said...

happy new year and happy one year, one tribe sister and thank you for this post and your always eloquent blog.

http://truutske.blogspot.com/ said...

What a wonderful artwork.
So gorgeous design...love it.

lynne h said...

ahhhh, lumi... what a beautiful, heartfelt post. i'm so very glad that you're here, posting for all of us to see. and i'm so very grateful for your presence at my place...

happy bloggerversary sweet woman.

xo

Kimmie said...

wow just wow

(((((hug)))))

Betzie said...

Very moving piece and post! xoxo

Anonymous said...

This one took me by surprise and brought big tears to my eyes. Your artwork is a pleasure for all to see, but this one, dear sis, means the world to me.

Love you more than you could know.....

Prilly
xxxx

Lori Saul said...

This is a warm and inspiring post- congrats on your blogging anniversary (I'm coming up on mine too). I am so thrilled to have found your beautiful 'space' and am always moved by your art and words!

"MOI" Freubel said...

With interest I have read your blog
(i had to translate it).
I admire you that you have written such personal thoughts and that you share that with us.
I hope, and wish you lots of happy days when you are creating more digital pieces.
I'm sure that i will come back to see more !
Warm regards Rian

Alberta said...

Oh, dear, sweet, girl, it was so, so hard for me to read about your pain. I wasn't here when you you first started blogging, but we became friends soon after, and you, can never imagine how you have brightened my days ever since that time. Your work glows with a joy that artfully conceals the adversity of its beginning. Like you, I discovered the healing power of art, and I realized how incredibly lucky I am to have this wonderful tool at my fingertips. Better yet, though, are the friendships that are formed from miles away, from words and colors and symbols, the bond of dreams and hopes and imaginings. Happy Blogiversary, dear friend. Here's looking at another year, even better than the last one!

Love,
Kathy

Limar said...

Your story moved me so much. I'm so glad you are feeling better now and have chosen to express yourself through art, because your art is absolutely beautiful :)

Janine said...

Great work and such a sweet honour to your sister

Seth said...

I am so happy you took that first step. Congratulations on blogging for a year but most of all congratulations for finding a healing path. And thank you for allowing me to be a part of your journey. I look forward to the next year of posts and incredible artwork!

deb said...

happy blog-a-versity, I have enjoyed getting to know you a little and your imagery always evokes that melancholy of memory. I don't always speak, but I am listening

deb said...

happy blog-a-versity, I have enjoyed getting to know you a little and your imagery always evokes that melancholy of memory. I don't always speak, but I am listening

deb said...

happy blog-a-versity, I have enjoyed getting to know you a little and your imagery always evokes that melancholy of memory. I don't always speak, but I am listening

Suzie Grogan (keatsbabe) said...

Thank you so much for linking me to this blog post. I am in a similar place and you express the feeling so well. I wish I could illustrate my own blog with such creativity. Periods of depression can produce the most inventive of minds and we have to embrace that, however dark some times seem. Keep in touch - would like to know more about how you approach genealogy too.My sister thinks my interest in the past induces melancholy, but I am not so sure it is as simple as that. Take carex