Thursday, November 18, 2010

Last night I dreamed that you came home




LAST NIGHT I DREAMED THAT YOU CAME HOME
shot and processed iPhone 3GS

By now, some of you may have read my recently-published piece in Artful Blogging, that touches upon my experiences of adoption disruption and subsequent struggle with anxiety and depression. While I don't wish to define myself by what has happened to me, it did happen and has left me with a very sharp view of a particular emotional landscape. Finally, after three years, I've summoned the courage to redecorate what was my daughter's pretty, pink bedroom.The original plan was simply to apply a fresh coat of paint, but I ended up removing the paper on the wall around the window and will have to reline it. Now I'm attempting to paint the other walls, but the pink stubbornly refuses to be obliterated. Memories of preparing for our daughter's arrival come flooding back with every brushstroke and it is taking an age to transform the tiny space. My instincts are telling me that fresh paint is not enough, that I'll never feel comfortable in this room that is to be our home office unless I scrape off every last scrap of lining paper, go right back to the bare walls, and completely begin anew. This could be due to my innate belief in "doing a job properly" but I suspect a deeper motivation and need.

14 comments:

Danielle said...

Good luck with this. I really sympathize with your loss. Your photography is very evocative, and inspiring. Danielle

La Dolce Vita said...

of course I wanted to read it knowing you were in it, well, they were out of that issue of Artful Blogging, but we had communicated a long time ago about your daughter so I was not shocked to read this.
I am glad you are going to the rest of the work, and no matter how long it takes, just do it. I agree it is fundamentally metaphorical and metaphysical statement about peeling back the layers of grief and healing and starting over again, not exactly fresh, but certainly with wisdom, courage and great heart.
lots of xoxo
ps the piece is gorgeous..

Lani Gerity said...

Whew, it would be very tough to change the room and also very tough and maybe impossible to leave it the way it was.

My heart wishes there were something I could do. I know, I'll make some art!

Love,
Lani

Lani Gerity said...

I did it, I made an image for you!

Lisa said...

I am greatful you were featured in Artful Blogging. Your work is gorgeous...melancholy with no apologies, yes...but gorgeous none the less. Thank you for sharing your images and story.

Seth said...

Thinking of you and wishing you the best with this difficult situation.

deb said...

sending you a cyber hug with tears in my eyes, the work is hauntingly touching and I wish you the best with the walls.

Gaby Bee said...

Wanted to send along some wishes for a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!

Gaby xo

Kate England said...

Just dropping by to wish you a Merry Christmas!

Liz.Blog said...

Beautiful work. All Best Wishes to you into the New Year 2011!

Jeanneoli said...

Haunting. Just read your article in Artful Blogging. All of your images are incredible.

sallyt said...

Just read your piece in Artful Blogging. Your art touches my heart as much as your words wrench it. I'm glad to have found a new friend in blogland that is so very truthful and open. My prayer for you is for clarity and healing. 2011 is for you, and for all of us, new hope. Let's cease it.

I adore your art pieces and will use them as motivation. (I too have an awesome iPhone I use for my photography.) I want to learn from you. Thanks for sharing so tenderly and artfully. Bravo to Stampington for including you.

Lumilyon said...

i'm only just catching up on my blog and hope to visit all of you in the near future. In tne meantime, thank you so much for leaving these beautiful comments xxx

littlepurplecow said...

Feel for you. Your images are lovely. Each one like a scene from a dream. Glad to connect.